My Escape

In my first ever blog, I told you about the reasons I write, but there's one which I haven't mentioned yet, mostly because it wasn't really relevant to anything I've talked about at all so far. Then I watched the series finale of ER. I've been watching it since I was 11 years old, so for 10 of the 14 years it was on. Now, when I was a kid, I was painfully shy. I had a few friends but I was frequently too shy to ask them to play, so as a result, I spent a lot of time watching TV. And that's when it all really started. I would watch my shows and I would be swept away into a land where I could empathize with these characters; feel what they were feeling, feel the affection that they felt for the people in their lives deep down inside, especially friendships. I think this ability to empathize with characters is a large part of why I am (not to toot my own horn) a good writer and I hope this has reflected in my fan fiction writing. Simply, it was an escape from my life. Admittedly, crippling shyness and lack of social life aside, I can't say I had a horrendous childhood, but outside of my love for writing, I can't say I was truly happy then either. Sad? Maybe. But it was all I had and I, for the most part, was okay with it. This...I don't know if it's a song or a poem, but it really describes me back then...not as much the last verse because I wasn't going crazy, but I can even relate to that a bit because, back then, relating to characters on TV was much easier than trying to do it in my own life...

A lot has changed since then; since I graduated high school. I'm no longer painfully shy; for that matter I don't even classify myself as shy anymore. I have little to no problem talking in groups and in class or making friends. Though I was happy with all the time I spent writing, generally all of this has made me much of a more well-rounded person. But as much as I enjoy being with people, I cherish my time alone. My time to be by myself, to think, to write, to appreciate relationships and experiences so different from my own. My time to just be.

I really think that watching the series finale of ER is what made me think of all this. It reminded me of a time where 'my time to just be' was really all I had. After I finished watching it, I felt this sense of awe and love for being alone with my own thoughts and writing them down that I haven't truly felt in a long time, since I became more social, that I felt near constantly growing up. It comes from my ability to become so deeply caught up in these fictional worlds; like I'm part of them. Everybody needs to get away from the world for a while; I just feel it more so than others is all. I know that so many people wouldn't be able to imagine that, but that's what's made me who I am. Writing fan fiction may not be all that I have anymore and I may have changed so much in my life and I'm glad for it, but it will always be a part of me and the part of myself that I cherish most. It's my place where I can just be; my escape from reality. For no matter how social I get or how many friends I make, I will always treasure and need my escape; my world.

Food for Thought - Literally!

Just when I thought I knew essentially everything there is to know about fan fiction, I come across something that teaches me that there are always new things to learn about anything, even in a topic you think you know so well. The thing that brought this realization on was reading this article titled 'Do You Feed Your Muse Well?' A muse is a term invented by writers that basically means the little voice in your head that comes up with your story ideas. One thing I've learned about my muse is that it's become highly ADD since I hit college. This article gave me a theory to why that possibly is. From the beginning of the article, I was able to relate to what the author was saying: I’m either overflowing with fantastic ideas and thoughts about everything under the sun, or I’m staring at a blank page thinking my muse went and died on me. I wasn’t even invited to the funeral. This fits me perfectly. I can't count the number of times I've had a fantastic idea in my head then by the time I have the time to actually sit down in front of my computer to write it, what comes out is typically nowhere near the degree of awesomeness that it was when I wrote it in my head. It's also typical for my muse to come up with a hundred ideas while I'm under pressure from schoolwork and don't have time to write, but the minute a school break hits and I have time to write, I'm sitting in front of a blank Word document trying desperately to remember the amazing ideas I had just a short couple of weeks ago or I jump around from story idea to story idea to story idea never being able to stick to one long enough to finish it.

The author of this article went on to explain how he learned that a lack of eating regularly and/or healthily leads to a lack of energy that causes our brains to come up with great story ideas. This theory makes a lot of sense, especially in my own case. I eat horribly; I admit it. For one thing, I'm a college student balancing two majors plus a plethora of other stuff, which doesn’t leave much time to make healthy meals. I also have a childish belief that I'm not hungry unless my stomach is growling, which stems from a childhood mantra that I developed to 'not eat if I wasn't hungry' because I had a random fear of becoming fat (not that anyone ever told me I was fat-in fact my mom would get mad if I ever said I needed to lose weight, I just had the same body issues most girls have, even when there's no reason to have them), a small appetite, a hatred of most lunch foods and a love of nighttime junk food snacking. I'm not typically hungry at mid day anyway and 'why eat something I don't like when I'm not hungry, thus making me not hungry for dinner and subsequently eating things that I actually like late at night?'

But it's when I do eat three meals a day that I can write better. Back in middle and high school when my meals were regulated partially by school schedule and partially by my mother's insistence on regular, balanced family meals, I would have what I termed my writing "sessions", where I would sit down in front of my computer and be able to type for hours on end, emerging immensely pleased with the results. But since college, I haven't been able to do that, and I've missed it. I dismissed this by assuming it was the combination of more things to do and less time to do them in that comes from being in college and while, admittedly, this might be part of the problem, I now know that it's not the entire problem.

So will I start eating better? I can't honestly say yes, but I'm going to try. The author of the article said that he makes himself eat a bowl of granola and milk every morning whether he feels like it or not, so I think I have to do something like this. I am learning though. As I write this, it is about noon and even though I'm not incredibly hungry, I am eating a sandwich. Bottom line, I can't keep eating, well, like a college student. I may not be overweight, but with my eating habits plus the fact I don't exercise, I'm not exactly healthy either. And most of all, it causes the lack of energy I need to write productively. And while my sweet tooth might hate me for giving up my nighttime junk in favor of a mid day meal, the energy to write that eating better will bring will more than make up for it. Like the article said at the end: "And for seven days straight, my brain was on superpower. Just three weeks in and the results are all systems go. I'm less tired. I write easily. Ideas flow. So do the words. My creative muse wasn't dead. I'd just been starving her - literally. Food for thought, no?

A Little Dose of Reality

This article spoke volumes to me. It was about not letting your fear of the unknown control the situation you put your characters in. Even though I have an ability to easily empathize with my characters, I don't particularly have a problem doing this. My main genre is angst, after all. Though I don't have a problem with what the article was trying to teach its readers to do, I could still relate to it nonetheless.

At one point, the article said: Characters – true, multifaceted characters – are people we care about. We created them, and we shaped them to the perfection of our mind’s eye. We love them. They are parts of our heart, our imagination and our soul. They are parts of us. The pain they’ll experience, be it physical, emotional or mental, is pain we’ll have to experience, too. We’ll feel it as if the wound was our own, and we’ll ache with the people on our pages. And while this is so true, what you, as a writer, need to remember is simply, without conflict, you don't have a story. Without conflict, Scrubs wouldn't be as interesting if JD and Elliot stayed together since the first season like Turk and Carla did and there wouldn't be that dynamic 'Will they, won't they?' tension. Even in Turk and Carla's case, though we all know they're meant for each other, the fact that they had issues the first year they were married shows that not even the most established couple on that show is perfect. And there you have it. Giving your characters conflict shows that they're only human, just like you and me. Turk and Carla's marriage wouldn't be as realistic if they were all happy and "I love you more!" "No, I love you more!" all the time. Sure, someone could argue that we watch TV to escape reality, but without a little reality, you wouldn't be able to relate to the characters.

So the next time you find yourself shying away from giving your characters a little trouble cause you don't want to hurt them (and yourself), my advice to you is don't do it! Break up that established relationship! Put that guy into a coma! Like the article said: Realize that by hurting your own characters, you are not a sadist. You are not deliberately hurting your loved ones merely to watch them suffer. You’re giving a gift. You’re helping them grow and develop. It's the same way in real life. What doesn't kill you does make you stronger, after all. Isn't the happy ending better in the end, once they've learned something from the experience, than the beginning? You can get them back together or fix whatever situation you've put your characters in in the end (we readers would be disappointed if you didn't!), but like they say, the journey is more important than the destination. And in the meantime, watching how your characters react to whatever situation you've put them in plus the anticipation of when and how the situation will get resolved makes for some great entertainment.